Woody Allen. If you have a funny bone, the man is guaranteed to find it. The perplexing thing about him is one can hardly make out what’s cooking in his brain. But when he dishes it out, he is sure to whet your appetite for more!

I believe it’s his ability to put humour in life’s mundane things that makes up for such an endearing personality. Or else how would you explain his whacky lines like “It’s not that I am afraid of death and all, I just don’t want to be there when it happens”. And one that never fails to tip me off with delight is “If you want to make god laugh, tell him about your plans!”

So when I stumbled upon a book by the wayside titled “Side Effects” by Woody Allen, I had no second thoughts about jumping at it. The book, as every Woody Allen’s book, never fails to take your IQ a few notches up and drop it a few notches below, making you wonder what truck just hit you.

The most hilarious part is this strange dialogue that passes between Abraham Lincoln, the former president of United States, whom with all due respects Woody calls, “Abe” and the press secretary, whom with all due respect calls him “Jennings”. This hilarious conversation puts on a diaphanous analysis of the inner workings of Allen’s mind. Few excerpts from the paperback:

 (The following is a one-act play based on an incident in the life of Abraham Lincoln. The incident may or may not be true. The point is that I was tired when I wrote it)

I

 (Lincoln with boyish eagerness beckons George Jennings, his press secretary, into the room)

Jennings: Mr. Lincoln, you sent for me?

Lincoln: Yes, Jennings. Come in. Sit down.

Jennings: Yes, Mr. President?

Lincoln: (Unable to suppress a grin) I want to discuss an idea.  

Jennings: of course sir.

Lincoln: Next time we have a conference for the gentlemen of the press…

Jennings: Yes sir…

Lincoln: When I take questions…

Jennings: Yes, Mr. President

Lincoln: You raise your hand and ask me: Mr. President, how long do you think a man’s legs should be?

Jennings: Pardon me?

Lincoln: You ask me: how long do I think a man’s legs should be?

Jennings: May I ask why, Sir?

Lincoln: Why? Because I have a very good answer.

Jennings: You do?

Lincoln: Long enough to reach the ground

Jennings: Excuse me?

Lincoln: Long enough to reach the ground. That’s the answer! Get it? How long do you think a man’s legs should be? Long enough to reach the ground.

Jennings: I see.

…The story actually rolls into a very complex situation after Jennings questions why he had thought of this answer and who had earlier asked the question which prompted this reply.

Dialogues are sharp. Thoughts, simply outstanding. I guess his books are complete unputtadownables. For those, who haven’t read his works…I can only say you are missing some delightful stuff. 

Ed Sheeran - The A Team

Some things in life are nothing short of genius. I happen to chance upon a song that falls into this exceptional category. The song is called “A Team” by Ed Sheeran.  It’s about how a woman, who is a prostitute, wastes her life on drugs. At the end of the song, she passes away. The song’s kind of sad. But the video is very deftly shot complete in black and white. You’ll also find Ed Sheeran, the singer, playing a cameo in the video. The lyrics don’t make any sense unless one understands what the song is all about. I got to listen to the song with only the lyrics first. Honestly, I felt it’s got an incredibly bewitching tune. Ed Sheeran sang a number of songs, but I personally believe nothing stands out as this one…more for the tune than for the lyrical or graphical content.

Beach

Fringing palms

Whispering nothing

Stretches of blue

Sets hearts fluttering

Sweet smell of salt

Afloat in the air

Kids building castles

Without a care

Coloured umbrellas

Dot the land

While the sun basks

On golden sands

Goggled boys

And sandaled girls

Happily tan

On dunes of sands

Pretty women

On colourful mats

Tempting men

With bared backs

|Ah! Lures of beach

Beckon me

Tangled in toil

I am forced to flee

Skyfall

Got to see the movie sometime ago. Let’s be honest. Was it really worth all the hype?  Definitely, a big “No!” from me!  The story is loosely strung. Bond looks like he’s aging fast and beyond repair. Madame M, with her veteran looks, wasn’t impressive as the woman in command of an elite force. Javier Bardem acts like an incompetent adversary.  The last straw however is the realization that ‘Skyfall’, contrary to what one imagines, is actually the name of a deserted estate in the damp London suburban, where bond used to play as a kid. All in all, the movie is a sheer squander of money.

The saving grace of course is the theme song with deadly graphics which hit you right in the eye and make your heart burst with admiration. It shouldn’t come as a surprise the song’s been nominated for an Oscar. Adele’s fever-pitch singing in a gripping composition, delivers a number that is destined to haunt hearts as it rolls alongside the credits. Don’t believe it?! Listen to it!

Greetings for 2013!

The hiatus has been longer than I had planned. But nevertheless I miss scribbling my thoughts and putting them across. So, I am kind of making a comeback. Yes! But before I do that, I would like to wish my friends and readers a fabulous New Year. Here’s hoping 2013 will steadily and surely nudge each one of you closer to your dreams and aspirations. 

The Night I Got Tipsy Twice

It was an intoxicating night with drinks on a platter, ‘smart’ ladies donning and moving around in cultural or subtly revealing attire and the effervescent, spectacled author answering queries with an ease that you thought wasn’t simply possible. Yup, no guessing, I am talking about the book reading of “The River of Smoke” by Amitav Ghosh in Hyderabad.

I would have completely missed out on this well-organized event, had it not been for a casual call to Vinod (A friend and fellow blogger). The hush, hush tones he spoke in, I thought I caught him during an office meeting and was about to punch the “end call’ button, when he said, “I am at the book reading, haven’t you read about it in the newspaper?” My mind went blank, huh? Then I did recollect reading about “River of Smoke” in the morning. Somehow, the event slipped completely out of my mind.

I was little upset for realizing about it so late. I mean the clock stated it was seven o’ clock and I barely had ten minutes to jump into something comfortable and make a dash for the door. Since Park Hotel was a fairly new establishment, I wouldn’t place it in my mind’s geography, nevertheless I managed to locate it. When I stepped into the hotel’s hall Amitav was responding to queries. The crowd looked elite. The evening, without an iota of doubt, promised to be interesting. Looking around, I couldn’t but help thinking why wouldn’t it be interesting with such beautiful women and classy wine flowing from all directions?

On stage, Amitav answered each query in a candid and free-flowing manner. The hall was packed from wall to wall. Along with a few foreigners, the city’s who’s who in the literary world seemed to be present. I was even able to spot our English lecturer with his unmistakable salt and pepper beard in traditional attire akin to all literary figures. In fact, everybody was dressed to kill.

Oh! I forgot, there was this lady who was not just dressed to kill but murder. Initially, when I first saw her, I was like: am I seeing right or are my eyes playing a trick on me? Her innovativeness of wrapping herself with just the sari while trying to do away with the blouse – caught me completely off guard. What me?! It caught everyone unawares. I saw people giving second, third, fourth…glances at her. When I later discussed about this lady (who held everybody’s attention for “nothing”) with Vinod, he shot a shy smile which conveyed what words would have failed to.

Finally, when the session came to a close, drinks were served. Although a complete teetotaler, I ventured out to try some wine purely on medical grounds. Of late, I have been getting a severe chest pain; I read somewhere that wine is good for the heart. So, solely with the doctor’s guidance on heart, I polished off a glass and was looking for yet another one, when suddenly my feet started to wobble, my head, reel and my mind trip over. I suddenly felt tipsy.

I had the strong urge to sit and think straight. But the mind had already started to deny the heart’s orders, I thought, first things first. Don’t ever lay your hands on the wine glass again. Second, go do something that will get your mind off the drink. So, I sauntered out of the hotel, drew some fresh air into the lungs and returned somewhat feeling a little invigorated and detoxicated.

When I came back the air cleared. On stage, I saw the author signing off his name with a flourish on the insides of his book which his loyal readers have bought. Couldn’t resist the urge, I bought a book for myself and stood in line for his signature. The waiter, who was the devil in disguise, tempted me with yet another glass…looking him in the eye, I screamed, “No”. For a moment, he looked startled but managed to walk away with his nose held high.

A few minutes later, the line edged forward and I was with the author on the platform breathing the same air. I was not just happy but floating on clouds. We did the small talk. I told him how much I liked his books. During the discussion, I informed him that Shobha de on her blog had good words for him about the way he interacts with the crowd during book launches. He smiled and replied, “ I have read that. It’s pretty nice of her to say that” It’s complete magic the way Amitav converses and puts everyone instantly at ease . When he put the signature on the book with my name - I could feel my head reel, knees wobble, and my mind trip over. Yes, I felt tipsy for the second time that night.

The M(ad) World

Agreed. Most advertisements these days conclude with a bad message. In the sense, ones that have absolutely no moral ending. Unfortunately, these are looked upon as pièces de résistance. No denying many draw a high from watching this practically over-the-cliff, morally depressing stuff. Even top brands don't bother about portraying a good image, at least, not any more. Look at the world-renowned brand- Axe (Deodorant) – this brand’s ad spot on television implies that a woman would throw herself at a man to ravage him when he puts on the deodorant. Unthinkable!

Well, call it anything you like, as long as the appeal is out there to grab one by the collar who cares. The topping on this is: in the conclusion of the same ad, there hops in a beefcake who winks and suggests the unthinkable to the man who has already been ravaged twice. This leaves not just the man but the viewer too wondering whether putting on a deodorant is a boon or otherwise.

Of course, again, it is done on a lighter vein. But is this only this far that someone can go when it comes to exploiting the realms of creativity? Is this what out-of-the-box thinking is all about? Do all the ad agencies zero in on one element –sex - get stuck with it forever?! Do the copywriters in ad agencies develop a writer’s block once they come across this “three-lettered topic?” Well, god knows!

Another electronic spot that treads a similar path is Wild Stone (Deodorant). The ad features a married woman walking and colliding with a handsome man. Then she goes into a fit, hallucinating of having a wild, wild time with this hunk. I guess what makes this happen is the deodorant, which in some way, ignites in her an unknown desire to indulge in sex with someone she has met for the first time. By the way, correct me if I am wrong, isn't a deodorant used to keep the body odour away and not to invite someone’s wife into your arms? That really flummoxes anyone’s grey cells.

Actually, there are a series of ads of this brand with similar endings where a married woman shamelessly falls for someone outside the sacred halo of marriage. And vice versa too! And these are actually watched by kids, teenagers, youngsters and sometimes even families without as much as batting an eyelid…. Unthinkable, isn't it!

Anyway, why am I going on moral policing? Who has given me the right to judge others? None. But it started with an advertisement spot I came across which kind of threw a curve ball at me. It was not the regular ones that batter around the same theme, but one that was a shade different. I felt it was so cool; I have actually put it on here for you to enjoy. Check it out. And don’t forget to watch the lady’s expression on her face, when the man does the ….unthinkable.